How to Disciple a New Believer One on One: A Practical Guide for Pastors and Church Members

To disciple a new believer one on one, meet with them on a regular schedule, usually weekly, open the Bible together every time, and teach the basics of the faith in an order that builds. Between meetings, help them practice what they are learning: reading Scripture, praying and worshiping with the church on the Lord's Day. From the first week, connect them to the whole church, so they grow in the body and not only with you. The steps below walk through each part.

If you are looking for the topics themselves, see what to teach new believers, a twelve-meeting path from the gospel to mission. This guide is about the how: setting it up, running each meeting and keeping it going.

What does it mean to disciple someone one on one?

Discipleship is helping someone follow Christ: knowing him, obeying him and belonging to his people. Jesus told his church to make disciples, "baptizing them" and "teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you" (Matthew 28:19-20, ESV). That work belongs first to the church's ordinary ministry, through preaching, the sacraments and prayer.

One-on-one discipleship does not replace that ministry. It comes alongside it. One mature believer meets with one newer believer to open the Bible, answer questions and model the Christian life up close. Paul described this kind of personal ministry to the church in Thessalonica:

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. (1 Thessalonians 2:8, ESV)

The gospel and your own life: both are part of it.

Step 1: Decide who should meet with whom

The best person to disciple a new believer is often not the pastor. It is a mature member of the same church who knows the gospel well, lives a steady Christian life and will keep showing up.

A few guidelines help:

• Men with men, women with women. Paul tells Titus that older women should teach what is good and train the younger women (Titus 2:3-5). As a rule, this protects both people and lets the conversation go deeper.
• Same church. The goal is to help the person belong to a local body. Discipling someone toward a church you do not attend pulls in two directions.
• Under the elders. Tell your pastor or an elder who you are meeting with. They can pray, answer harder questions and step in if something serious comes up.
• Faithful, not famous. Paul told Timothy to entrust what he had learned "to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also" (2 Timothy 2:2, ESV). Faithfulness is the qualification. You do not need a seminary degree.

Step 2: Set clear expectations at the start

New believers do better when they know what they are agreeing to. In the first meeting, settle four things together:

1. How often. Weekly is a good starting rhythm. Every two weeks also works if you stay in touch between meetings.
2. How long each meeting lasts. About an hour is enough for most people. Pick a length you can both keep.
3. Where. A home, a church room or a quiet corner of a coffee shop. Choose a place where you can open a Bible and talk honestly.
4. How many meetings. Agree on a season, such as twelve meetings. An open-ended commitment is harder to start and harder to end well.

Then ask a simple question: "What would you like to understand better about following Christ?" Their answer tells you where they are and what they care about.

Step 3: Open the Bible every time

The center of each meeting is Scripture, not your opinions and not a book about the Bible. Read a passage aloud together, ask what it says, and then ask what it means for their life.

The Westminster Shorter Catechism gives a simple picture of how to receive God's Word. It says "we must attend thereunto with diligence, preparation and prayer; receive it with faith and love, lay it up in our hearts, and practice it in our lives" (WSC Q. 90). That is a good shape for your time together: pray, read carefully, believe what the text says and decide on one way to live it this week.

Three questions work with almost any passage:

• What does it say? Retell it in your own words.
• What does it teach about God, Christ or us?
• What should change this week because of it?

You are not only teaching a lesson. You are showing them how to read the Bible on their own, so they can keep going when your meetings end.

Step 4: Teach the basics in an order that builds

Answering whatever questions come up each week is good, but it is not enough. A new believer needs the foundations in order: the gospel first, then who God is, the authority of Scripture, sin and grace, new life in Christ, growth in holiness, the means of grace and life in the church.

A fixed path keeps you from two common mistakes: teaching duties before grace, and skipping hard topics like sin because the meetings are going well. If you want a ready sequence with base texts and questions, use the twelve topics for new believers.

Leave room for their questions. Often the question they bring is the one that matters most that day. Answer it from Scripture, and if you do not know the answer, say so and find it together, or ask your pastor.

Step 5: Practice the means of grace together

Discipleship is not only information. God grows his people through ordinary means. The Shorter Catechism names them as Christ's "ordinances, especially the word, sacraments, and prayer" (WSC Q. 88).

So help the new believer build simple habits:

• Scripture. A short daily reading plan, such as one chapter of a Gospel a day.
• Prayer. Pray together in every meeting. Some new believers may never have prayed out loud with anyone. Short, simple prayers are fine.
• The Lord's Day. Worship with the church every week. Sit together sometimes, and talk about the sermon at your next meeting.
• One practice at a time. Agree on one concrete step each week and ask about it next time, with grace, not as a test.

Step 6: Connect them to the whole church

One-on-one discipleship can quietly become a friendship with you instead of a life in the church. Guard against that from the start.

The Westminster Confession says that believers "are bound to maintain an holy fellowship and communion in the worship of God, and in performing such other spiritual services as tend to their mutual edification" (WCF 26.2). The 1689 London Baptist Confession says the same in its chapter on the communion of saints (LBCF 27.2). Fellowship is not optional, and it is wider than one relationship.

Practical ways to widen the circle:

• Introduce them to other members by name.
• Invite them to a small group or Sunday school class.
• Have them over for a meal with your family or friends from church.
• Help them find a place to serve, even a small one.
• When they are ready, walk them toward your church's path to profession of faith or membership. See what to cover in a new members class for what that path usually includes.

Paul's aim was to "present everyone mature in Christ" (Colossians 1:28, ESV). Maturity grows in the body, not in isolation.

What if it gets hard?

Some seasons of discipleship go smoothly. Others do not. A few common situations:

• They miss meetings. Reach out with warmth, not guilt. Life can be chaotic for a new believer. If they stay away for weeks, tell your pastor or an elder.
• They bring up something serious. Abuse, self-harm, addiction or a crisis in their marriage goes beyond what a discipleship meeting can carry. Bring in your pastor right away, and help them get professional help when they need it.
• They have doubts. Treat doubt as an honest question, not rebellion. Read Scripture on it together and be patient.
• You feel out of your depth. That is normal. You are not their savior, and you are not the only one caring for them. Ask for help.

How does one-on-one discipleship end?

End your agreed season on purpose. In the last meeting, look back together at what they have learned and how they have grown. Then decide what comes next: another season with a new focus, a regular place in a small group, or helping them begin to disciple someone else.

That last option is the pattern of 2 Timothy 2:2. The goal is not a person who depends on you. It is a disciple who follows Christ, belongs to his church and can help someone else do the same.

What to do this week

• Think of one new or returning believer in your church.
• Talk to your pastor or an elder before you invite that person to meet.
• Plan your first meeting: a time, a place and one passage to read together.
• Pray for them by name.

If you want each session drafted around the disciple's background, age and Bible knowledge, with a guide for you and a sheet for the disciple, see how the discipleship curriculum works in Hokmah Expositor. The steps above work either way.

Sources

• The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, via Bible Gateway: biblegateway.com
• Westminster Shorter Catechism, Orthodox Presbyterian Church, online edition: opc.org/sc.html
• Westminster Confession of Faith, Orthodox Presbyterian Church, online edition: opc.org/wcf.html
• Second London Baptist Confession (1689), chapter 27: the1689confession.com