One-on-One Discipleship Questions: What to Ask in Each Part of the Meeting

Good one-on-one discipleship questions do three things: they open the Bible, they reach the heart and they lead to one concrete step of obedience. Ask a few to reconnect, several about the passage you read together, a few about the person's walk with God, and close by agreeing on one thing to practice before the next meeting. Below are questions for each part of the meeting, grouped so you can pick two or three from each part instead of reading a list.

If you are still setting up the relationship, start with how to disciple a new believer one on one. If you need the topics in order, see what to teach new believers. This article is about the questions themselves.

Why questions matter in discipleship

A discipleship meeting is not a lecture for an audience of one. Questions help you learn where the person really is, and they help the person think through Scripture for themselves.

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. (Proverbs 20:5, ESV)

Questions are also part of how believers care for each other. Hebrews warns against a heart that drifts away from God, and then gives the remedy:

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13, ESV)

A good question is one of the ordinary ways that exhortation happens.

Questions for the first meeting

The first meeting is for listening. You want to know their story, their background and what they hope for.

• How did you come to faith in Christ, or how did you come back to it?
• What was church like for you growing up, if you went at all?
• Who are the most important people in your life right now?
• What do you already know about the Bible? What feels confusing?
• What would you like to understand better about following Christ?
• What makes it hard for you to grow right now: time, family, doubts, something else?
• What would make these meetings worth your time?

Their background matters. Someone raised in a Catholic home, someone from a Pentecostal church and someone with no church at all will hear the same words differently. Write down what you learn so you can come back to it.

Questions to reconnect at the start of each meeting

Spend the first few minutes catching up. Keep it warm and short.

• How was your week? What was the high point and the low point?
• What did you read in the Bible since we last met? What stood out?
• Last time you said you would try one thing. How did it go?
• Is there anything you have been wanting to ask me?

The third question matters most. If you agree on a step and never ask about it, the person learns that the step did not matter. Ask with grace, not as a test.

Questions for the Bible passage

The center of the meeting is Scripture. Read the passage aloud together, then move through three kinds of questions: what it says, what it means and what it changes.

Observation (what does it say?)

• Who is speaking, and who is being addressed?
• What words or ideas are repeated?
• What happens in this passage, step by step?
• Can you retell it in your own words?

Interpretation (what does it mean?)

• What does this passage teach about God?
• What does it show about Christ and what he has done?
• What does it say about us, our sin or our need?
• Why do you think this was written to its first readers?
• Is there a word or verse here that is hard to understand?

Application (what should change?)

• Is there a promise here to believe?
• Is there a command here to obey?
• Is there a sin here to confess and turn from?
• What would it look like to live this out at home, at work or at church this week?

James puts the point plainly: "be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves" (James 1:22, ESV). Application is not an extra at the end. It is the reason you read.

Questions about the gospel and assurance

New believers often carry quiet doubts. Questions like these help you see whether they understand grace or are still trying to earn God's favor.

• If someone asked you how a person is made right with God, what would you say?
• When you sin, what do you think God thinks of you?
• What are you trusting in for salvation?
• Do you ever wonder whether you are really a Christian? When?

The Westminster Shorter Catechism gives a clear definition to come back to: "Faith in Jesus Christ is a saving grace, whereby we receive and rest upon him alone for salvation, as he is offered to us in the gospel" (WSC Q. 86). Read it together and ask what "rest upon him alone" means for them.

Questions about prayer and the means of grace

God grows his people through ordinary means. The Shorter Catechism names them as Christ's "ordinances, especially the word, sacraments, and prayer" (WSC Q. 88). Ask about each one.

• How are you reading the Bible on your own? What helps, and what gets in the way?
• What do you usually pray about? Is there something you have never prayed about?
• What was the sermon about last Sunday? Did anything stay with you?
• Have you been baptized? Do you understand what the Lord's Supper means?
• What would help you be at worship every Lord's Day?

If prayer feels foreign, start with the Catechism's own outline. Prayer is "an offering up of our desires unto God, for things agreeable to his will, in the name of Christ, with confession of our sins, and thankful acknowledgment of his mercies" (WSC Q. 98). That gives a simple outline: ask for what agrees with God's will, confess your sins, and give thanks, all in the name of Christ.

Questions about sin and the heart

These are the hardest questions to ask and the most important. Ask them privately, with permission, and only after some trust has grown.

• Where are you most tempted right now?
• Is there a sin you keep coming back to?
• Is there anyone you need to forgive, or ask forgiveness from?
• What has been taking more of your time or attention than it should?
• What do you find yourself worrying about most?
• How are things at home?

Two cautions. First, these questions are not a scorecard. The goal is repentance and grace, not a weekly report of failures. Point every answer back to Christ. Second, some answers go beyond what a discipleship meeting can carry. If someone tells you about abuse, self-harm, addiction or a crisis in their marriage, bring in your pastor or an elder right away and help them get the help they need.

Questions about the church and relationships

Discipleship that stays between two people is incomplete. Ask about the rest of the body.

• Who else at church do you know by name?
• Is there a small group or Sunday school class you could join?
• Where could you serve, even in a small way?
• Have you thought about membership or profession of faith? What questions do you have?
• Is there someone in your life who does not know Christ that we could pray for?

When they are ready to take the next step, what to cover in a new members class explains what that path usually includes.

Questions to close each meeting

End with one clear step and prayer.

• What is one thing you want to remember from today?
• What is one thing you will do this week because of what we read?
• How can I pray for you?
• When and where will we meet next?

Write down the step they choose. Next time, the meeting starts there.

How to ask so people actually answer

The best questions still fall flat if they are asked badly. A few habits help:

• Ask open questions. "What stood out to you?" works better than "Did you like the passage?"
• Wait. Silence feels long to you, not to them. Give them time to think.
• Follow up. "Tell me more about that" and "Why do you think that is?" often get the real answer.
• Answer from Scripture. When they ask you something, go back to the text instead of giving only your opinion.
• Do not fake it. If you do not know, say so, and find the answer together or ask your pastor.
• Keep it confidential. What they share stays between you, unless someone is in danger or the elders need to help.

What to do this week

• Choose one passage for your next meeting.
• Pick two or three questions from each part of this article and write them in your Bible or notebook.
• Add one heart question you have not asked before, if trust allows it.
• Pray for the person by name before you meet.

If you want each session drafted around the disciple's background, age and Bible knowledge, with a guide for you and a sheet for the disciple, see how the discipleship curriculum works in Hokmah Expositor. The questions above work either way.

Sources

• The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, via Bible Gateway: biblegateway.com
• Westminster Shorter Catechism, Orthodox Presbyterian Church, online edition: opc.org/sc.html